that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
