I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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