I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
