You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
