i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
people are starting to question the shark bite story
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize