Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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