I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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