so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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