there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize