I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
