home. puking in laundry basket.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
