could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
