My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
