I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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