All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
