he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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