I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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