So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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