You're completely useless in the revolution.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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