I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
