I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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