I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
