yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
