i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize