BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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