im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
