Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
