I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
