this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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