we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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