man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
