proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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