So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
