it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
