So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
