you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
