I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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