May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
