then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Boobs are out for the taking
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
