he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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