I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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