if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
