i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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