Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
