i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
