We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
