Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
