brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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