Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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