So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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