It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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