Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
