Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize