Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
