Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
