Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
