I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
