Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
