all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
