I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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