I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
