we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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