i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
