Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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