hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
