it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
