I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
