I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
