He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
