The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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