I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
