my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
