I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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