We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
