Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
