I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
