I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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