He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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