Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
