Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
