She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
