p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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