i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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