I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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