if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
