Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
