A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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