Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
