Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
