Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
