Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
