I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
