just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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