is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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