If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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