so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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