false alarm. still invincible.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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