i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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