it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize