I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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