That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize