I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
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