There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
