Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hippo gnu deer
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
