your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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