The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
