My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vagina is officially offended.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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