Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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