I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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