you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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