I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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